


Iron rusts and bends and /breaks/

by Project_Reincarnation



Category: Avengers (Movies), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Hurt Tony Stark, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Steve Feels, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark fixes, first work kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 07:33:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7037443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Project_Reincarnation/pseuds/Project_Reincarnation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stark Men are made of Iron.</p><p>And yet, Iron rusts and bends and breaks. He ends the call without answering Steve's frantic questions. He closes his eyes and hums a familiar tune,, 'try to remember, bambino'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Iron rusts and bends and /breaks/

Tony Stark huffs a laugh, listening to the city buzz below him and appreciating how the glow of the city lights looks like stars against the pitch black night. He stares down, sniffing and smiling through his blurred vision. 

He remembers the rush of adrenaline in his bones when he would fly past the tower, whooping in triumph after a victorious battle. A feeling in his stomach he only associates when he knows he did more good than bad. He'll always remember the warmth that would spread in his chest whenever something he created helped the world. To outbalance the red on his hands and tools.

Tony gives a rare smile, looking around the city ~~that once was his home.~~

The air howls around him, a chilly breeze enveloping him. He shakes his head, contemplating how much time he has left. There were nothing holding him back now, but he waits a few minutes.

He checks the mental list in his head, trying to remember if he had included everything in his newly rewritten will. He tries to remember if he had done everything needed to be done--All the things needed to make the exoneration possible, the decade's worth of upgrades for the Avengers and the back up official New Accords incase someone hid the one he sent to General Asshat. 

He had made a seperate letter to Pepper, telling her everything he wanted to say but couldn't and the code for the safe under his workshop. The blueprints and schematics inside the safe were more than enough to keep Stark Industries afloat, especially with Pepper still CEO. 

Inside the safe were also a couple instructions; for his funeral (he expects a famous pianist to play the italian lullaby his mother used to play for him) and the whole plan for Project SWORD with Nick Fury. Maybe he should call Pepper now, explain everything to her before the inevitable.

But no. He's already expecting a call. 

Every single day, Captain America calls on the damn ancient flip-phone he sent Tony. Steve always tells him how his day went and that he misses the city, filing the silence on Tony's end. Tony had never actually spoken a word to Steve, not since--

The phone rings, vibrating against his palm. He takes a deep breath, shuffling slightly then swinging his legs so instead of standing on the ledge, he's sitting.

" _Hey, Tony! I got your text--thank you, for that by the way,_ " Steve says instead of greating. He hadn't written much, except that he needed Steve to call only until minutes after midnight. 

" _Anyways, What's up? A lot of things happened today. I think T'challa has some news actually but--"_

"Me." The other line goes silent. It's the first time he had uttered a word to Steve through the flip phone. He smiles, imagining the disbelieving look on Steve's face.

" _Tony_?"

"You asked what was up. I said Me." He chuckles softly at the literal joke.

" _What?? I--is that some 21st century reference?"_

"Nah." He waits. 

" _Oh_ \-- _well_ , _uhm_ \--"

"No words to say, Winghead?" He smiles gently, his words wavering a bit at the end. He brushes away tears threatening to fall as he waits.

" _I_ \-- _well_ ,--hi."

And Tony laughs, ~~~~~~and he cries too,~~ and it's Tony's turn to fill the silence. He talks about what Steve couldn't have found out from T'challa and the news. 

He tells him about how Rhodey, and the new Black and Gold armor ~~he would never wear~~ , and visiting Laura and the kids, and dropping by Scott Lang's daughter.

He talks about Natasha taking Steve's place as mother hen, about the long talks he and Pepper had, about an awkard teen who comes on weekends and somehow looks up to him, about Vision ~~and Jarvis~~ , about meeting with small-time superheroes that keep the streets and alleyways safer. 

He talks about everything ~~and nothing important. Nothing about long nights with blood red armor and the shield coming down, long hours spent designing and redesignig, long days with lawyers and important people and superheroes. Nothing about the empty and cold feeling in Tony's chest.~~

~~Nothing about broken piano keys and 1991.~~

And when Tony can almost see the sun, and Steve, he hasn't said anything for a while, laughs and there's a shaky sob at the end, Tony finally allows him to feel regret for what he's about to do.

"Have you gotten any sleep since?" And Tony bits his lip, and thinks, _soon, I will._

"Nah, hey--Are you tired? I forgot to ask that, you probably want to go--"

"No, what-- if anyone should be tired, it would most likely be you, Shellhead." Steve's stalling. 

"Hey, you can always call later. I promise I'll pick up." ~~Lie~~.

And so he convinces and convinces Steve to go sleep, he must be tired talking all night. And before Steve hangs up--

"I love you."

And the line is silent and he thinks maybe he can do this _one last thing._

"I don't know when I realized I did, but oh, I loved you so much. Oh Steve, whenever I trust someone, they show me exactly why I shouldn't--" and he thinks he should stop but he can't. There's a roaring in his ears that might be the wind and a knot in his chest that's making it hard to breathe. ~~He can vaguely hear broken piano keys.~~

Tony can hear Steve's breath on the other side of the line. He doesn't say anything.

"But I loved you still, even after. And even though some part of me is saying you don't deserve it, I'm sorry."

"What for?" And Steve's voice is quiet and small and he's probably in shock. Tony smiles at the thought, that only he, Tony Stark, can do that to Captain America.

"I know the Accords are in the right, Steve. And deep down, you must've too. _People are afraid of us_ and just because we _can_ , doesn't mean we should take away their right to choose to be saved or not. Trespassing into their land without consent, because we know _better_? Because we think we can do _better_ than their police and military _who are just doing their job_?"

"So, I'm not sorry about the Accords, I know it's the right thing, with too many faults, I know. And I'm not sorry about Barnes." _Because I fixed those, That's what I do, I fix_. 

"Then--"

"I'm sorry, that I'm a coward." 

"Tony--"

"I'm sorry because I can't do it anymore. Everytime, I do something, something that I think will help--it does the complete opposite. I'm a coward, but I fixed it, okay? I fixed it, and god, that was what I was supposed to do when I followed you to Siberia. Steve, I'm so sorry because I can't keep doing this anymore, fixing and _breaking and fixing_."

And he laughs, kind of hysterically, to be honest. 

"Tony, no, you know that's not true--"

"I blamed Howard for her death, you know? Good ol' Dad and his alcohol. I always thought that was how he would kick the bucket, it made sense he'd drag her down with him. I didn't question it when they told me."

"I'm sorry, Tony. I know I should have--"

"It's okay, Steve. It's going to be okay now."

"Tony,"

"I love you--"

" _Tony, I love y--"_

"--and-- _what_? No, don't say it--"

"What, wait, why not--"

"I really dont have enough _strength_ to do this anymore, Steve."

"Tony, I promise I'm not going to hurt you, please--"

"I know you won't, Sweetheart. _I love you_."

"Maybe in another life," He whispers, and doesn't even think about it, because he's delayed it enough. The cold has already spread across his chest. He ends the call and doesn't bother answering Steve's frantic questions.

Because Tony knows, he's broken beyond repair. He'd never be able to see Steve without thinking about the Shield coming down on him. 

 _Stark Men are made of Iron._ His father used to say to him.

And yet, Iron rusts and bends and _breaks_. He closes his eyes and hums a familiar tune,,  _try to remember, bambino_

He steps off the Tower, the same way he would with the suit, _and the air is so loud and he feels like he's flying._

 

 

 


End file.
